[Cover illustration: Raywa Masti ]
Since coming to Dublin after spending the last 4 years in Galway*, life has inevitably changed; the city is bigger, I know less people, college life is over and I’ve begun a new job. I’m turning a new proverbial chapter.
*with a one year interval in la France
This metamorphosis is so welcome though! Right now, I feel as if I could take on anything. That feeling is a far cry from the mindset I was in 2 years ago, which I talk about a little more in my last post Date Yourself: Be Your Own BFF. In said post, I also detail the method I used to get out of my anxious funk and over-thoughtful ways – being my own besto. Which is why taking on this dramatic new lifestyle change has been thrilling, and honestly, an absolute breeze.
That’s not to say I isolated myself or had no friends – no way! My friends are my lifeline and my cheerleaders. I need them, lets make that abundantly clear (because everybody does, and I know they need me too <3).
Everybody preaches those mantras Friends First, Bros before Hoes, Sistas before Mistas or whatever stupid rhyming singlet that suggests you always put friends before people you’re dating. Nonetheless, I think people have a hard time genuinely putting that into practice – myself included. I was in a long term relationship for the guts of 2 years and that person was my best friend in the world ever. And that’s great! But it’s important to strike the balance between having your partner as one of the best people in your life, and maintaining and creating really good friendships. You can have both!
Now that I’m single however, I appreciate my friends a lot more. I don’t need or want anybody else in my life *right now, because I’m more than happy to date those friends!
I see Dervla, who is like a big ray of sunshine personified, weekly. In fact, we live in each other’s back pockets. We go for walks and workouts, we treat ourselves to nice dinners in nice places, we share bottles of wine in the evenings after a long day of work, we have sleepovers and we cuddle and I feel so lucky to have her. We have dates with each other and it’s so lovely!
In relationships I’ve had, I’ve sometimes felt irrational guilt for choosing friends over my S/O, and I think that’s pretty common. For me, hindsight was the clincher. As Dervla would say, you want someone who’ll add to the life you have, not become your entire life. That’s why for her, friendships are her priority, and she works her dating life around her friends, not the other way around.
Life is about learning as you go, and now I realise that nobody will come before those solid friendships that I have, because that kinda thing is for life.
Grace
Oh GOODNESS Graceious 